We´re told left, right and centre that we shouldn´t worry about, or even mention, people who don´t like us, and instead, concentrate on those that do. Me here included!
But, the truth is that our mind is automatically drawn like bees to honey, to the negatives and to any critics, as much as we tell it to focus on the positives. Of course, the degree of that attraction, and more importantly, the time it "stays" there, depends on how well we train it to.
Still, this isn´t my point in this blog entry. This one is dedicated to the clandestino wonderings of our naughty mind into the deep and dark taboo of "Why don´t they like me??".
Some of us resort to extremes like dying our hair, buying gifts and paying endless compliments, all in the name of "changing their minds" about us, yet all to no avail. So, WHY?? Why are some people so set on disliking us?
1. Envy- this one is a very obvious and well known one. With a little twist. On top of being envious of our wealth/partner/social life/figure/job/travel etc, it is actually more about being convinced that THEY deserve it much more than we do. That surely, someone with THEIR background/language skills/popularity etc deserves that more than we do. "How DARE you have THAT job if you didn´t have all the family connections that I did??" / "How on earth do you have THAT figure if you eat chocolate every time I see you and I barely eat 2 celery sticks a day and still don´t have that waistline??"
2. Rejection - you refuse to join them in something / agree to something they want. They suggested a travel trip some time ago and you said NO. You had the most valid reasons in the whole wide world. You thought you explained it in the nicest possible way. They elegantly said "Not to worry, no problem at all, of course I understand". Well, you SHOULD worry. It IS a problem and they do NOT understand. Apply this to anything that you might have said that ugly word to - joint birthday party, their home-selling scheme, doing your make up, hiring them as your caterer/graphic designer/interior decorator etc.
3. Revenge - at some point of their lives, often college, they had an enemy. You in whatever ways remind them of that person that made their life hell at the time. They still hold the grudge but no longer have access to that person. They might have been a bully and your organising ways might remind them of this, They might have stolen their man/woman and your flirtatious popularity brings it all painfully back. They might have been the teacher´s pet and your enthusiasm to please reignites the resentment. To them, you ARE the representation of all that was wrong with their world at the time.
4. "Mirroring" - YOU don´t like THEM. They know. People always do. As much as we try to dress it up with a smile, our instincts ALWAYS whisper us in the ear "Did you see the way he looked at you?" / "You´re the only one he "accidentally" didn´t include in that mail" / "She purposefully disagrees with whatever you ever suggest to do in a group, no restaurant or time is agreeable to her if it´s proposed by YOU".
5. Jealousy - yes, this good old fashioned monster. They think you flirt/like their partner or vice versa. Or their friends - that you try to "seduce them away" and/or get on better with them. Or boss. That he/she appreciates you more than them. Or family, especially in case of siblings and brothers/sisters-in-llaw. You get the picture.
Can you identify who´s who behind these 5 reasons of some of the people that just don´t like you? What about the other way around? :-) Do YOU dislike some people because of these?
Before asking how you could change this around, have a good long think if you really truly WANT to. Is it worth your while? Or, understanding these reasons, it makes it easier for you to just accept that whatever you do, some people, for their own reasons, will not like you. And it´s OK. The same way it´s OK for you to dislike some people too.
There, another Taboo dealt with, next!! :)
If you do decide that you definitely WANT to resolve some of these issues with someone, of course don´t hesitate to contact me to help coach you through it.
Your Coach Marina
